Fear of the “Unfamiliar”

Jun/10

Fear of the “Unfamiliar”

by ReThinkHR.org | Leadership, Work, HR & Inspiration by @BenjaminMcCall under Advice, Human Resources, Inspiration, Learning, People, Recruiting

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Fear of the ‘New’

I am taking my son to the pool today.

He is 2 years old. We have been a few times but not enough for him to love it and immediately jump in. It is still new to him. You see, he loves the water until he is actually about to get in. What happens? He gets so excited about the idea of being in the water but when he actually gets to the pool he becomes unsure. The closer he gets, the more insecure he becomes. He gets scared at first.

The Fear of the ‘Unfamiliar’

My guess is that his initial fear exist as a result of not regularly and routinely being in the pool, wading around in waste-deep water. Sure he gets in the tub and he loves his bath, but he is familiar with that place.

Support

In the pool, since he is not completely comfortable, he reaches out in tears for me. I support him. I slowly take my time to guide him in the water. The magic is that once I get him in, after a short while he is comfortable. He knows when he is ready, and all of a sudden plays as if nothing were wrong.

Trying and Doing Something New

The same can be said for a new activity, us learning a new skill or taking a different approach. It is at first outside the realm of what we know. It is not what we are use to. That small wave of fear comes to us. But if we are one of the few lucky enough to have support (as well as be that support to others who face the same situation) then that fear can subside.

A manager asks us to deal with a difficult employee review, recruiting for a difficult role, a new piece of legislation that no one has ever implemented in the work place, or we start a new role with a new team and a new culture. This, at first, is always scary and unfamiliar. But if we have support from our team, after we gain our footing, get our ground and become level in our own minds - the confidence we did not think was there begins to build. The fear, it dissolves. Until the next fear of the unfamiliar appears…

It’s just like math

I tell a story to students and program participants I have helped learn in the past.

This is as simple as math. When in high school, not all of us were good at math. We started out with the basics and were unfamiliar. Unsure of the right answers to the problems. But once we learned the basics, the answers came to us. After we became familiar it was easier. And then comes algebra… and geometry… and statistics… We get scared again and start over. The thing is - it gets easier if we work at it.

If you are lucky enough to have support, can get past the initial fear and thought of your inability to do that thing you will repeatedly do in the future, that fear slowly dissolves… until the next unfamiliar moment comes.

You could say you’re scared. My son is scared… he is 2 years old. He’s still scared of sand at the beach.

I guess no matter what age we reach, the fear is still the same.

How many of you get fearful when you are asked to change? When asked to do something you are unfamiliar with? Please leave a comment with your story. I would love to hear it!

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benjaminmccall

Sonia - Thank you for your thoughts. I think it true that there are many layers to the uncomfortable and loss of confidence we feel in situations. So many that we can't define them all. If we are lucky enough to have support starting up, that can be the best!

Randi - All of that helps build the confidence to re-enter the unfamiliar and be better w/o letting the fear take control in every situation.
benjaminmccall

Sonia - Thank you for your thoughts. I think it true that there are many layers to the uncomfortable and loss of confidence we feel in situations. So many that we can't define them all. If we are lucky enough to have support starting up, that can be the best!

Randi - All of that helps build the confidence to re-enter the unfamiliar and be better w/o letting the fear take control in every situation.
http://twitter.com/ReadyTOFeedBack Sonia Di Maulo

Ben,

Ah the scary and unfamiliar. I have been there many times and have seen many others cross over from “scared” to “comfortable” in my role as a professional facilitator. In between “scared” and “comfortable” is the phase I like to call “Phase 2″. It's the phase in learning that gives people the look of fear and anguish. Being in this phase is a good thing, it means we are learning! Learning new knowledge, skills, and attitudes is not always easy - the key to success: understanding that this phase is normal and necessary for us to move into a comfort zone.

I really like how you bridge the analogy of your son's fear of the “pool” to the fears employees feel in the workplace. Resistance means you stay where you are without experiencing the eventual victory of accomplishment. Understanding this as a leader is critical to supporting your team as they get comfortable.

The fundamental reason your son is able to play in the pool without fear is YOU!

Sonia
Randi

Great story Ben! and so true for all of us - familiarity, practice, and support - all important for sustaining change. Well said!
Randi